it's a process

i am friendly. the kind where if i talk to someone just once, they become my friend. if i've talked to them for a long time or several times, they become my best friend. when i started working at the age of 23, that was my first problem because i easily get attached to people. i have strong separation anxiety.

now, at the age of 30, i am still at a point in my life where i am struggling to fight that within myself. maybe because that's just who i am. it’s part of me. along the way, i've met and talked to more people. it's even harder to forget or let go of someone whom i know doesn't contribute anything positive to my life. whether they become toxic or simply do not add anything to my life except for damaging my mental health.

it's painful and embarrassing to admit, but i think i’ve been struggling with this kind of feeling. easy to attach, but hard to let go. it's not easy to cut ties with people. it’s a process. especially if you're a people pleaser. but you have to go through a process, learn to let go, forget, and cut ties.

at the age of 30, letting go is still painful, but i need to embrace the pain and face the people i've let go of as if i've never met them on the journey of my life from the past. and i know i can go on without them, without this regret because i know they will only break me.

but my wish is that i hope to be understood because i am just human. i have a short life, and i need to treasure it with people whom i know truly matter to me and vice versa. i hope to be understood that they might be toxic to me, and i could be toxic to them too. i don’t want them to feel they are wrong, and i am right. because i am still human.

peRhaps, what I've learned is the process. there are stiLL mistakes from time to time, but i have learned to embrace the results of my decisions and move forward based on what i've learned from them.